


The Kairotic Moment

by Estalfaed, neolith



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Athenian Kaidan, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spartan Shepard, The Peloponnesian War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 00:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17478233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estalfaed/pseuds/Estalfaed, https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolith/pseuds/neolith
Summary: It's a moment in life where everything aligns correctly, the opportune time, the right and critical point of no return. Shepard sees it in front of him, in the visage of Kaidan bathed in sunlight. All he has to do is reach out, grasp it in his hands and everything he could have ever hoped for would be his. But the gulf between them seems impassable, a vast chasm of war and honor and past mistakes.Yet something like this, a Kairotic Moment, well, it only comes around once a lifetime.





	The Kairotic Moment

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt to do this amazing piece of art created by [Neolith](https://neolithicprophet.tumblr.com/) justice. I hope you enjoy this story and the art that accompanies it.

**The Kairotic Moment**

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The wind blew through the clearing, a gentle yet insistent breeze. It moved along the water of the pond, causing ripples among the smooth surface. It moved along the reeds, causing the tall strands to dance to an unheard melody. It moved along Shepard’s sweat soaked skin, bringing some measure of relief against the noon day suns oppressive heat.

His body ached in every way possible, from the fresh cuts from his most recent battle to the mottled over bruises that had yet to fade, from the creak of his joints as he bent down to pick up a bloody chiton. The once pristine blue fabric of Athenian make was marred with dark blotches of red, a few tears in the fabric where armor had rubbed the fabric raw, or failed all together.

The fabric bunched in his fist and he had to will his arm to stop shaking, the building rage and fear threatening to send him over the edge. Shepard took in one sharp, deep breath, and let it out slowly, the rage passing over him and through him, and then was done.

It felt like he was hollowed out with that breath. One more like that and he would just float away like the breeze on his skin.

With a soft sigh, Shepard stabbed the butt of his spear into the soft earth, right next to the Athenian one, a braided band of hair wrapped tightly where wood met metal. The spear was the marker that had drawn him here. Oh how the image seemed wrong. One Spartan, one Athenian, resting side by side.

The war had destroyed so many things.

He slung his shield off his back and let it drop down into the mud, ignoring the twinge in his gut at the harsh treatment of such a revered thing, the symbology of the action. A piece of his soul forged in wood and metal.

“Come back with your shield, or on it,” he murmured before shaking his head.

Far more likely to never return at all, to be left to rot and bloat on the battlefield, forgotten like the countless others. He was already on life number two, who got more than one chance like he did? Shepard’s fist clenched around the chitin again, and he brought it to his lips, pressed soft kisses at the tears in the fabric. Breathed in the scent of blood, sweat and _Kaidan_.

Laughter flitted along the edges of his memory, two boys running through golden fields of wheat, young and blissfully unaware of the future that waited for them. Of the history their families shared between them, the responsibilities that would be placed on their shoulders. No. In that moment captured forever in Shepard’s memory, they were wild and free.

He remembered the first time he had met Kaidan, a shy boy hiding behind his father, hair a mess of dark curls hanging to his shoulders. Scrawny and short, huge brown eyes that dominated his face. It had taken what felt like forever for him to warm up to Shepard.

But once he had, they were inseparable. It was him and Kaidan, always and forever.

His heart ached, or maybe it was the bruises on his chest. Shepard winced as he sat on a rock at the edge of the pond, knees popping, and he felt old. Ancient for his twenty-eight years, and maybe that just came with the territory of dying and coming back. Gods only knew. Shepard sure as hell didn’t. All he knew was he didn’t want to waste this chance, certainly not over the folly and pride of men who could care less if he or Kaidan died on some distant battlefield, far from home.

With delicate care he dipped the bloody chiton into the water, watched at the red bled into and marred the pristine surface.

The laughter in his head deepened as they grew older in his mind’s eye, both of them a little wiser to the world around them, of the growing tension between the lands they called home. They had both filled out, the vigorous training they were put through adding lean muscle to their lanky frames. And when the hell had Kaidan gotten so tall? Shepard had always thought he’d be taller than Kaidan. Shepard had just said something dumb and Kaidan was holding his sides, head thrown back as he laughed. He found he loved hearing that laugh, loved being the one to make it happen.

There was a new tension between them that had never been there before, both of them seventeen and aware of the souring relationship between their families. Border and land disputes were on the rise and there was the shadow of war looming over their heads if things couldn’t be worked out.

Yet that wasn’t it, wasn’t the whole picture. Because even then, with all the chaos going on around them, there had always been just Shepard and Kaidan; his closest friend, the two of them together and side by side forever.

And yet. And yet, yet, yet.

Kaidan was standing there, so tall and beautiful, and it was like everything clicked into place.

Before he could think, before he could second guess, he closed the distance between them, placed his hands against the back of Kaidan’s head and neck, pulled him close and kissed him. And when Kaidan kissed him back with just as much ferocity, Shepard’s heart soared.

He pulled away and grinned at Kaidan, took off running through the wheat fields, laughing. He could hear Kaidan following him closely behind. Once more, they were young, wild and free.

Chirping and flutter of wings alighted around him, disturbing the quiet of the pond, and Shepard could hear splashing in the distance. He knew Kaidan was around, somewhere, washing the stink and sweat of battle and death off his skin. He didn’t think he had the courage to face him right now. So he kept on with the task he had assigned himself.

**[Art by[Neolith](https://neolithicprophet.tumblr.com/)]**

It was a simple one, something that he felt he could accomplish when everything else felt impossible and out of reach.

There was a gap between them now, a rift that was sharp and deep, all sharp edges that cut and carved, that dashed pieces of their hearts to bloody pulps. Shepard had caused that. In the end, his desire for honor and tradition had ruined everything.

He dipped the chiton back into the water and rubbed the fabric together, doing his best to remove the stains. He couldn’t even say why the act was so important, as if rubbing away the stains from Kaidan’s chiton could somehow rub away the stains on their relationship. It didn’t work that way. Remove this stain and the pain he caused Kaidan would be washed away, remove that one and the look of betrayal in his eyes would fade as well.

Maybe he was just trying to buy time from the inevitable confrontation between them.

Because he knew it had to come. There was no more dancing around this, no more ignoring it for the sake of the war. It would kill them, in the end, if they didn’t figure it out.

This thing between them.

It wasn’t laughter that echoed through his head when he heard the rustling of water, of someone approaching him just beyond the bend; it was the sound of harsh words and a broken heart. It was the sound of everything falling apart around him. It was Kaidan standing in front of him, pleading for Shepard to run away with him. To go far away from the war that would tear everything they had apart.

He had dropped to his knees, oh gods, this beautiful man had dropped to his knees and begged Shepard to just choose him, to choose him over honor, over family, over misplaced patriotism in Sparta. They could go anywhere, he’d said, as long as they were together, they could overcome anything.

It was then like it was now, the point on which everything rested, to tip one way or the other. And Shepard had made his choice. Honor over love. He remembered Kaidan’s face when he said no, the way it shattered, a physical depiction of a heart falling apart.

Kaidan had left after that, returned to his families estate and Shepard had gone off to war, two years later and Shepard died in battle, some twist of fate, his foot slipping in the blood soaked mud the opening his opponent needed to stab him through the throat. He died filled with rage and regret and Kaidan would only learn of it from some messenger, cold and impersonal.

Coming back to life though, that had been something else entirely. Some fringe group that splintered from the Cult of Kosmos, calling themselves Cerberus, and brought him back. For what purpose, he couldn’t say. With what methods, he did not want to know. All he knew was that he had a second chance, and he couldn’t squander it.

He wouldn’t.

And when Kaidan came around the corner, when the sun colored his skin like the same gold as the wheat fields they ran through as kids, bathed him in light like some sun god to rival Apollo himself, as the water dripped from his hair to his chest, to follow the plains of all that muscle, well, all he could think of was fuck honor.

The chitin dropped forgotten from his hands, and Shepard stood on shaky legs.

This moment felt immense, like it could be the one to change everything.

If he seized it.

Their Kairotic moment.

He waded through the shallow water till he stood face to face with the man who had held his heart all these long years. Oh how they had fucked it up, so many times. Yet they had always come back to each other. Somehow.

The pain was there, as it always was, and maybe it would be a part of him for a long time, maybe forever. But he thought, if Kaidan was by his side, then it would be worth it. All of it.

Shepard reached out and gently traced the edges of a fresh cut along Kaidan’s jaw, felt his heart stutter in his chest, saw the shock etched in the sharp lines of his face. Shepard built up his courage.

“I love you Kaidan. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. And if you’re ok with that, if you’re ok with loving me back, I’d hold onto you and never let go.”

It left him in a rush, those stumbling words. Fell out in a tumbled mess, and yet he kept going. Kaidan’s dark eyes, so deep and beautiful, watched him.

“We could leave, you and me. We could go anywhere at all, Kaidan, leave all of this behind. Or we could stay if that’s what you wanted. I would stay and fight with you on every battlefield, by your side. You just…you just have to choose me. Please Kaidan, please just choose me. Because I don’t know what I would do in this life if I didn’t have you in it.”

The world held its breath.

Kaidan reached out a tentative hand, placed it on Shepard’s heated chest. His face fractured and trembled.

“Is this a dream? A gift from the gods to help ease the ache in my heart,” he asked.

Shepard shook his head. “No. No this is real. I’ve come back, I don’t know how, but I came back and I needed to see you again, to try and make things right.”

“I was so mad at you, John.” Kaidan paused, took in a shallow breath. “Oh how I dreamt of seeing you again, of shaking you silly, of raging against you for not choosing me. I dreamt of pulling you close and saying how lovely it was to see you again, and if you would just say my name.”

“Kaidan. _Kaidan_. Here I am. Can’t you see?” Shepard covered Kaidan’s hand with his own, lowered it so it rested against his beating heart. “I am with you now," he whispered, as if saying it any louder would make it untrue.

Kaidan took Shepard’s other hand in his and placed it over his own heart, so that he could feel it beating, thundering along. And it was a _hello,_ and _hi,_ and _I can’t believe you are here. You are here, I missed you so much. You are here._

Their eyes met and Shepard felt it, the culmination of everything leading here, right to this moment, this choice, held entirely in Kaidan’s hands.

All he had to do was choose.

And he did.

Kaidan leaned forward and pressed his lips against Shepard’s.

He chose Shepard.

It was like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> Like my stuff? Find me on Tumblr [Here!!!](https://estalfaed.tumblr.com) for more writing and msheko content!


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